You don't reaaaaally need me to tell you why texting your ex is a bad idea, do you?
The truth is, the 'no contact' method works, even if it's not forever. It gives you time to process your feelings and work on yourself, it stops you from saying something you might regret in the heat of the moment and it lets both of you get some closure and begin the healing process.
That doesn't mean it's easy, though, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for having the urge to speak to your ex. It's only natural, they were a huge part of your life and you're now learning how to live without them.
So be kind to yourself, and try your best to keep yourself busy and put your energy into something more positive. Maybe like one of these things?
Make a mean playlist
Listening to music when you're deep in your feels is a cliche for a good reason. Whether you wanna have a dedicated 'cry it out' hour worth of sad songs or a kick ass workout playlist - it's all good stuff.
Even better, if you have a night coming up with your mates or a trip on the horizon, choosing the best beats while thinking about all the fun you're gonna have can be a real mood booster.
Special points for adding all the songs you always loved but your ex can't stand.
Hit the notes app
Hey, not texting your ex doesn't mean you can't *think* about what you'd like to say to them - in fact, sometimes that can be a helpful way to own your feelings.
Writing a fake letter to your ex (that you'll never send) is a common exercise used by therapists, but we suggest you just switch to the notes app if you find yourself reaching for your phone.
We all know the notes app is a lawless land filled with ramblings, drunken notes to your sober self and embarrassing to do lists, so you should feel absolutely free to let your freak flag fly and just get allll those intense thoughts out - just maybe delete it after, or at least put a passcode on it.
Learn the entire choreography from Rihanna's Super Bowl halftime show
Before you're all like 'pssssh geddoutta here' - think about it.
- Rihanna is one of the ultimate symbols of empowerment and bad bitch-ness. She's been through it in her life and she's better than ever
- Learning all those complicated sequences is gonna take TIME - definitely long enough to ride out the urge to message your ex
- Imagine being able to bust out some of those moves in the club? Fire.
- Sweating it out is scientifically proven to make you feel better. You're gonna get endorphins pumping through your body and your mood will definitely improve
Go to a comedy show
Now I know the last thing anyone feels like doing when you're gutted is having a laugh, but trust me on this one.
I'm not suggesting a movie, cos you probably used to do that with your ex a lot, and there's too much risk of it being lovey-dovey or sad. I'm not suggesting a concert, cos that involves mustering up a whole lot of energy you probably don't have right now.
I'm saying - comedy show. It's a dark room, you don't have to talk to anyone, and you get to watch someone else being super vulnerable. Obviously it's also inspiring and impressive to see a comedy performer put it all out there, but the best bit is, comedians often make light of the tough stuff in life.
It can be a good reminder that everyone goes through hard times and it's okay to have a giggle even when you're feeling down.
Check out what local comedy gigs are coming up near you, or just binge the stand-up section on Netflix - it'll hit the spot either way.
Own the Feels is brought to you by #LoveBetter, a campaign funded by the Ministry for Social Development.
LoveBetter Youthline support channels:
Email: lovebetter@youthline.co.nz
Or rangatahi can text lovebetter to 234
